The Witches Hat

It was the night of Halloween, the thirty first of October Nineteen Ninety Two. It was pitch black, apart the moon light drifting slowly through the cloudy sky. It was slightly windy. A cold breeze, one that chilled you to the bones. Leading out of the village was a country lane, which had a gate leading off it down to a little mud track that led in to a forest. The track led through the dark forest, where it was even darker than dark. They were no noise,apart from the slight hoot of an owl that pierced through the night air, and occasionally the sound of wooden sticks splitting on the ground, if a deer or a fox trod on them. In the centre of the forest was a giant clearing that was grassy and weedy. Nothing was inside of it. The only thing that was going through it was the wind.
Then out of the large trees that were surrounding the clearing walked three figures, all from separate corners. They were dressed as dark as the night. They appeared to be wearing dark pointy hats, that looked like black triangles sat upon their heads. They each wore a black cape, that was waving slowly, drifting around the the night breeze. They each appeared to have a black small cauldron hung on the back of their black broomsticks. The black small cauldrons upon closer inspection appeared to be full of small jars that had weird objects inside of them floating around in strange gloopy liquid, and brown scraggy pouches that appeared to have strange squishy things stuffed in to their insides and oddly shaped small cages that appeared to have small out of this world miniature creatures inside of them, fighting to get out and run away as fast as they knobbly strange looking legs would take them, away as far as possible from the three strange scary witches that, on that Halloween night, had finally met in the middle of the forest clearing.
The first witch was a small stumpy and dumpy looking woman, who had a small wide nose, and a large wart on her chin, and dark eyes underneath the shadow of her witches hat.
The second witch was tall and slim, with grey scraggly wispy hair that hardly moved. She was the typical looking witch, who was holding a dark black cat in her arms, but apart from it’s eyes that were reflecting the moonlight, you couldn’t see it, as it was that black that it blended in with the black of the witches cape.
And the third and final witch was just a bundle of black scarves and black jewellery, as she had that many scarves and bangles and strange things hanging off her with big jam jar style glasses that you couldn’t really describe what she looked like. But for some mysterious reason, all her black jewellery that hung off her and banged and knocked together didn’t make any clinging or clanging noises at all, as though a spell had been cast on them, which most likely had probably happened.
All three of the witches pulled out their black wands out of their black clothes, and whispered something under their breathes. It must of been some dark spell, but they were a dull popping sounding noise, and a cauldron that looked just as scary as the witches appeared in between he three witches, right in the centre of the witches. It had dark flames underneath it, that gave a strange sort of heat, a heat that was cold instead of hot.
The three witches then proceeded to emptying their ingredients that were slotted awkwardly in to their small black cauldrons that were hung off the ends of their black scraggly broomsticks. They pulled put all sort of things. Fangs, liquids, eye ball, noses, shoes, fire breathing creatures, a dragon paw bits of odd material, a small pocket watch and a single black ribbon. They were a high chance that not all of the ingredients that they actually used were all needed for whatever dark thing that they were brewing and making inside of that dark liquid inside of their black scary looking mysterious cauldron, and probably some of the ingredients were just used for dramatic effect, like the eye balls and the shoes, although the paw of a dragon was probably needed. It said so in the recipe book.
The witches then stood back, each walking backwards in a separate direction from one another, making a triangle shape. Each of the three witches lifted up their arms, and with their wands in one hand, and a ring covered hand on the end of their other arm, they all muttered something under their breath, and shot a green flame towards the top of the cauldron. Each of the three flames from each of the three witches all met in the middle above the cauldron, before making one large flame that appeared to charge up and thicken, before shooting downwards in to the cauldron.
The liquid spilled out, making hot cold liquid flood the ground around it. The air pulsed with dark magic, and shock wave of darkness rippled through the air, being disturbed by the trees that surrounded the forest clearing, making birds fly madly out of horror in to the dark Halloween night sky. A few of the trees seemed to mutate, and look slightly frightening, before shooting out the ground and waddling off somewhere, bumping in to other trees.
Then, just as quickly as it all started, it all stopped. Just like that. And the cauldron disappeared, and the cold black flames disappeared, and the bubbles disappeared, and so the spells. And instead sat a black witches hat. Just simply sat there on the ground.
The witches hat wasn’t just a plain witches hat. Whoever wore this witches hat could take over the world. The three witches were each over six hundred and twenty four years old, and had been aimed to take over the world eventually. Just they had gone a bit past the intended deadline, and had taken slightly longer the plan had given them to collect the ingredients. But witches were always late, its just something that they did. Probably for dramatic affect, like the false ingredients that made the potions look more terrifying than it really was.
The stumpy dumpy looking witch stepped forward, as did the other two witches of the trio. She looked up at them both, and they glanced back at her. They started cackling with pure evilness, with the slight sound of dark success in their laughs, mingled in with bad breath of their cries of dark laughter. Crocodile Blood Toothpaste didn’t have the same mint flavoured taste and smell as normal every day toothpaste that humans used, in fact it had a slight eggy taste to it, and smelt of rotten worms with a hint of snail slime that had been boiled and stewed for a few weeks, and then kept to disintegrate for a few years in a dark wet rat filled cellar. Lovely. Just what witches loved the best. However, they wouldn’t say to fish and chips occasionally, but even that needed crushed snail shells on it instead of salt. They just had to had some witchiness somewhere in their lives.
With shaking hands, out of nervousness and evilness, the dumpy stumpy witch put her arms out, and reached towards the ground, and picked up the witches hat. It created another small shock wave to add to the night of Halloween, causing a fox to run away and the leaves on the ground to rustle and blow away.
She then muttered some spell under her breath, her bad breath in fact, and then, with their eyes widening with glee, the world suddenly changed. For them the world changed for the better, and for the rest of the population, the world changed for the worse.
Chains wrapped round people who were sleeping in their beds, giant toads engulfed people who were on their way to work, spiders ran wild in the underground train tunnels and terrified the people on them, large scary looking hawks attacked planes that was flying in the night sky. Even the moon was altered, and grew weird looking tentacles that stuck to the surface of the Earth, pulling itself closer it ready to unleash some weird scary human eating creatures on to the globe from out of space, that were purely created by the witches. The witches was quite proud of the out of space weird scary human eating creatures from the surface of the moon. They had taken them a few decades to design, create and grow, although they hadn’t quite come up with a name that suited the species, and so they were in fact simply referred to as the out of space weird scary human eating creatures from the surface of the moon.
However, all of a sudden a large thunderbolt crashed down from the night sky, and immediately killed the witch wearing the hat. The world returned to normal. Two large pumpkins then fell from the sky and hit the two other dazed and confused looking witches on the heads, killing them immediately too.
They were no trace that anything had ever happened on Earth. The Moon returned to normal, the chains unwrapped themselves, and after just a few minutes of terror, even the out of space weird scary human eating creatures from the surface of the moon disappeared.
Nobody could remember a thing.
The witches faded from existence.
Something had gone wrong with the spell.
Years later another witch, under the name of Granny Potionoil figured out what had gone wrong with the greatest mistake ever known in the history of the world of witches.
They had put in the right foot shoe, instead of the left foot shoe, and it was as simple as that.

The End.

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“Bones on the Surface” Chapter One

The blog zoomed past 1,000 views overnight, and as promised here is the first chapter of my new novel “Bones on the Surface”, which introduces the Death Room.

Chapter One

Bones woke up in his coffin, and decided that it was time to get up. With one bony foot he kicked open the hatchet that had been cut into the bottom of his coffin, and slid through it, and fell into a room.
When he landed, a few other skeletons were already awake and gestured to him with their hands, or rather the bones of their hands.
“Morning Bones.” Said one of the skeletons, who if he had been able to, would have smiled, but the way that his skull was arranged, he was constantly grinning anyway.
“Morning Rattles.” Bone replied to Rattles. Rattles was nick-named Rattles because his skeleton often, well, rattled.
The room that Bones had landed in was a rectangular room, that had three large leather red couches evenly spaced out in a line through the middle. The floor was a carpet that was blood red in colour. They were small lanterns dotted around the walls that gave the Death Room quite a cosy feel, which was quite surprising for a room full of skeletons, but just because you’re dead doesn’t mean that you don’t like your comfort.
You don’t need to be scared that this room is called the Death Room. It’s only the same as human beings who are alive calling their front room the Living Room.
But the most interesting thing about the Death Room was the walls. Dotted all around the walls were small squares of wood. As Bones and Rattles talked, a small square of wood that was level with their heads swung open, revealing a skeletons feet, and then as the skeleton slid forward the rest of his body was revealing, until he finally landed on the floor.
“Oops. Sorry you two. Bit close their.” Said the skeleton.
“No worries Sockets.”
Sockets eye socket were very deep and very dark, so that was where he got his nick-name from.
The small squares of wood were ends of coffins. So when a skeleton was bored, he could quite easily kick open the end of his coffin and slide into the Death Room and have a chat, or just a bit of small social life.
It wasn’t much, but some cemeteries didn’t have this at all, and they knew this.
Another skeleton had decided that he had enough for one day, as underground they are no light or dark, or day and night, you just get up when you got up, and went back to your coffin when you wanted to go back to your coffin to sleep. A library style ladder was on a pair of tracks on the floor, and he grabbed it and pulled it halfway along the wall, and started climbing up the ladder until be reached a coffin three levels up from the floor. He pushed himself through with the ladder, head first, and then slowly closed the door with his bony feet.
“All he does is sleep.” Said Rattles to Bones.
“Who? Old Crumble Bones?” Asked Bones.
“Yeah. mind you, he is a few centuries old, I would do the same if I was him I think.” Rattles said slowly, obviously thinking things over in his mind.
“Well there you go then.” Bones said, sighing.
“Yeah. ‘Pose so.” Rattles said, sighing to match Bones.
After a few moments of silent pondering, they both walked over to s red leather couch that had just become free.
“Don’t you ever get bored down here?” Asked Bones, in a dreamy tone of voice.
Rattles looked back at him in a confused shocked face, or what would have been a confused shocked face if only skeletons could actually pull facial expressions, really Rattles just kept on grinning, like Sockets had earlier, and Old Crumble, and every other skeleton in the Death Room.
“I just mean that I’ve been here for about three years, and I’m bored already.” Bones said, clicking his bare knuckles together.
“Not really. And even if I was bored, not much I could do about is there? When it all comes down to the bone, I’m dead, and dead people aren’t meant to have much fun.” Rattles said, whilst peering over Bones shoulder, watching Ribs, who had just been tripped over by Kneecaps, and they had gotten into a fight.
“Why aren’t dead people meant to have fun? Where does it say?” Bones asked Rattles. Rattles was too busy watching Skull breaking apart Ribs and Kneecaps. “Rattles!”
“What?!” Yelled Rattles, pulled out of his trail of stare rather suddenly.
“I said where does it say that dead people, us skeletons I’m talking about, can’t have fun?”
Rattles just looked at him blankly, well, he was grinning but you know how it works.
“Exactly.” Bones said in a matter of fact tone of voice.
Rattles ran his fingers along his bare ribs, before putting two bony fingers from each of his hands around one left rib and his other right rib.
“But what are you trying to say Bones? What is it that you exactly want to do? I mean, what are you getting at?”
Bones grinned, which didn’t make much of a change to his normal facial expression.
“What’s stopping us from going to the surface?” He said, in a strange voice, as though he was going mad.
“The surface?!” Rattles said, almost choking on the words in disbelief.
“Yeah. Why not?”
“Because skeletons don’t go to surface! Dead people stay underground in their coffins! Or that’s what humans believe anyway! No skeleton from any Death Room in any cemetery in history has ever stepped a bony foot on the surface- it’s just not what we do.” As he finished he saw Bones expression, apart from the grinning, and added, “It’s just not what happens! I don’t know why before you ask! It just doesn’t!”
Bones pondered for a moment.
“But we could be the first!” Bones said, excitedly.
“We?” Asked Rattles.
“Me and you. Bones and Rattles. The first skeletons in history to step up upon the surface!”
Rattles just shook his head in silent shock upon his bony neck, and pushed himself up from the red couch, and rattled off towards Hollow.
Bones felt disheartened, if only he still had a heart. But he still felt disappointed.
He too pushed himself off the red couch, and turned on his exposed bone of his heel and started walking back to the library style ladder near his coffin.
CLANG!!!!!
Bones quickly span around and looked towards where commotion was taking place in the far corner, where a small crowd of other skeletons had gathered around two other skeletons.
Skin and Bone.
Skin and Bone were the mischievous two of out the Death Room inhabitants, and often found themselves annoying the others.
Right now they had disconnected one of their ribs from their body and had start running them down each others ribs like a xylophone. It had been a pretty harmless game until they started jabbing each other with the ribs that they were clinging onto with their yellow bony hands, and then started fighting quite violently, and they had knocked open a glass case in the wall.
On the floor lay an arm of a skeleton.
It belonged to One Arm.
One Arm was currently asleep in his coffin, but he was the eldest inhabitant of the Death Room as he had been the first person to be buried in the cemetery. He had heard of Death Rooms before he had died, and built this underground one straight away, losing his arm along the way.
He had put his arm into a glass case that was hung on the wall, and nobody was allowed to touch it, or even anywhere closer than three foot in proximity to it when he was awake, which wasn’t very often these days.
One Arm had been dead for four hundred and eleven years, and decided that one of the best things about being dead was snoozing in your cushioned coffin, and leaving the rest of the clan to get on with it back in the Death Room.
He had so far been asleep for about three weeks, and hasn’t moved a muscle. Well, he didn’t have any muscle to move, but if you’re going to look into the figure of speech too closely, he didn’t move a bony limb.
Skin and Bones started to panic, and thought that they had woken One Arm up, as they started clambering over one another as they started squabbling over whose fault it was, whilst trying to jab their ribs back into their ribcages and pick up the arm that was laid on the floor.
Bones rolled his eyes, or rather looked up to the ceiling with his sockets where his eyes had once been, and pushed the ladder with his bony feet along it’s track left. As it started moving he climbed up a few steps, before reaching the third layer of the wooden ends of coffins.
A few seconds later, and he pushed his bony hands on the wall and stopped the ladder. He had reached his coffin. It had a small label about it that said in curly black writing that had a spiders cobweb symbol either side of it “Bones.”
He climbed head first into it, and with one bony foot pulled the hatchet on the end of his coffin shut, plunging himself into darkness.

I’m Finally Done

….and I’m done!
Well, the writing bit at least.
Yes, that’s right people. My first attempt at a novel is complete. It comes in currently at 249 manuscript pages! It’s taken me quite a while to do (obviously) and maybe nobody will even like it! But even so, I’m happy with it. Planning on putting a small extract on here on it at some point maybe- but no promises or timescales! You’ll just have to keep checking back at this space.
Anyway, I decided on a confirmed title tonight (thank you to the people who helped me- you know who you are!) and I’ve already written the first three chapters of book two.
However, I am going to take a small break from writing in that world (although I love it!) and all of the adventures in it that I could have. I have other ideas that I want to get down, and other projects that I want to work on.

Oh, and don’t forget- OCTOBER 31st 2012- the release of “The Witches Hat” here at this very blog! Make sure to read it! The countdown is on!

Thank you. 🙂

If you have any questions about the book, or anything to say, then please pop a comment below!

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The End Is In Sight

Can now reveal that the end is in sight! I have nearly finished writing my first ever attempt at a novel! In manuscript format it’s around 280 pages at the moment, with just a few more chapters to go! Then just re-read, edit, re-read and polish up and then I’m done and planning to finish writing it in the next week or so! 😀
It’s what I would say fits in to the fantasy genre, and features skeletons, a strange room under a cemetery, some dwarves, a goblin, a handful or dragons and the occasional pirate- and the plot is about…YOU’LL HAVE TO WAIT AND SEE!